Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
