I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
