So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
