I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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