We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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