i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
