Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
