We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
