You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
