yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
