I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
