I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
