it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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