Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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