Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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