she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
