I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
