He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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