my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
