i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
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