How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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