I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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