the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
