Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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