All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
