Only a mothe r could love this liver
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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