I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize