I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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