ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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