What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
