the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
