So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
