I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize