well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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