he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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