Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My balls are so social today.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
