it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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