I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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