Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
