I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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