i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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