I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
