I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
