my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
