Soap is not a condiment
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
