I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize