just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
