I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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