he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
