I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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