You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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