Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
