I like my sex mixed with concussions.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
