This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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