what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
