all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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