I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
