either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
