I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
