Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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