Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize