chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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