Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
