After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
