i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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