when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
