he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
