I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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