If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
