so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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