the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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