My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
