you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
