sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
