seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
