i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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