Having a random hookup so left but love u
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
